melancholy hill

You begin to revel in the loneliness.
Protected from the ache
of yearning for someone so desperately.
You find such pleasure in this freedom,
you are invincible.

At first you worry,
you wonder if you’ve lost feeling.
If your skin will ever prickle and itch,
with the shivers that skip across your skin with every kiss?

You lie in bed and feel nothing.
Mind empty. The glorious silence!
The tug between your legs, now a distant memory.
You try and imagine
moments,
minutes,
bitten lobes, and licked scars.
Inhale. Exhale.
His breath on your back,
arched
then cracked.

Nothing.
You move from worry to relief.
Exhausted.
No longer pulled under,
suffocated with personal blame.
‘Why am I alone?’ ‘What have I done?’
Yearning to be loved, needed, taken care of.

To be a kept woman.

This no longer eats at you as it once did.
You float through the world now.
Day, dusk,
twilight and dawn.

‘I am no longer foolish!’ You cry.
You curl up, fetal.
Triumphant, with your newfound peace.
In isolation, a castle in which you retreat.