Friday, May 18, 2012

Ma Reine – a missed connection.

I forget that missed connections exists. Both the spell and the entire Craigslist collection devoted to that very dubious moment of time. Then one day, while meandering about the internet, I will stumble upon it, and will usually fall quickly bored with what seems to be very desperate attempts at rekindling drunken make outs at Cheval. Or worse, salacious invites of the creepiest kind.
But then this morning, there was this…
She’s the first thought I have every morning, she’s the last thought before I finally manage to fall asleep. I think of her when I dress knowing what she liked me wearing, I smell good and remember how she would nuzzle into my neck and tell me how good I smelt, I eat good food and great wine and remember how we shared meals together in great appreciation, I see new things, have new experiences and wish I could share them with her. I can’t seem to shake her out of my head, it’s like she’s flowing deep in my veins. Alas…..she doesnt have faith. I tried everything yet it is amazing how the past can determine peoples present and future. How can one not see love that is so blatant, one that gives me the power to change my life completely to be with her yet for her it is a mere game. She blamed me for what she was doing because it’s harder to accept and acknowledge your actions and easier to pass the blame on to others without realising how the consequences of their actions are born by people who love them. How can one have so much hatred for someone and have it rise within a matter of weeks. From spending time on a beach professing our love to each other to sheer anger and hatred within a few days. Why are people in love so scared, why do they judge, why can’t they have faith and believe that love can be so powerful and all encompassing that even if our minds sometimes doesnt want to believe it’s true, it is. Why do we use anger to push it away rather than joy to pull it closer.

She hates me and I love her madly….what a dichotomy.
I love her and I will continue to and she will always be Ma Reine. Just being able to say it out to the world even if in this manner gives me a certain amount of calm.

So I am left mute.
Feeling rather silly of my presumptuous dismissal of Missed Connections. Rather silly indeed (this is RARE).
If this man were infront of me I would tell him to let her go. His heart will ache, then bend and mould for the better.  To try and not be bitter, but drink warm drinks. Play music loud. Write feverish words. Kiss many girls and kiss them hard. Dance with friends then cry on their shoulders. But most importantly seek that rush of love again from someone willing to pour it back in to you.
Symbiosis. Of the perfectly mutualistic sense.
Till then I shall join you, dear Sir. A Tom Collins if you please and let a fender filled record spin.

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