toothache remedies for the destitute

This past week I have been plagued with a toothache so bad it’s left me lifeless, pissed off, sleep deprived and starving. With pain so acute I’ve been bedridden with migraines of epic proportions and all I seem to take pleasure in is lashing out on the siblings. After popping nearly entire bottle of extra strength tylenol on day one, by the next morning the effects started to wear off and I was left desperate. But thanks to the glory of the internet I’ve found a few home remedies that actually work! (TAKE THAT CRAPPY INSURANCE PLAN)

1. The salt water flush: Add a table spoon of salt in to a cup of warm water, then gargle. Although this is a temporary fix, the flush is great because it reduces the swelling and dull throbbing pain in your gums. Swish the salt water concoction in your mouth a few times until you feel the pain alleviate. This method is best while waiting for the pills to kick in.


2. Painkillers: I’ve always been an Advil girl but when it comes to any for of swelling, be it joints or gums, Ibuprofen or Tylenol is your best bet. As mentioned above try to knock these back these in moderation as eventually they will have no effect. I usually save my pill popping for bed time.


3. Whiskey: A solid shot of Jack Daniels flushed about the achey tooth works wonders for it deadens an exposed nerve! Perfect if you’ve been suffering through the weekend and still want a night of debauched fun.


4. Peanutbutter: Need a cavity filled? Splodge some smooth PButter goodness on said tooth for a pretty decent sealant. Mind you this is incredibly temporary as it will obviously dissolve, so keep the jar by your bed for easy access.


5. Keep your mouth closed: Obvious I know, but if your teeth be mad sensitive a simple breeze can set a nerve off and have you writhing in pain. There are temporary cap medications for this reason, but I’ve personally have never used them so I won’t be recommending them.


6. Pure Vanilla Extract: I have never been happier to discover this remedy. Perfect for baking AND soothing your vicious tooth nerve demon. Place a drop of extract on a q-tip then rub around the sore tooth and PRESTO the pain vanishes and you are left with a lovely sweet aftertaste. I don’t know why it works or who came up with the damned idea, but it’s the one remedy that I have found to be the most effective!

And that’s that!
Sidebar/note/whateves…I do hope these teensy tips help but please understand that these are temporary remedies and ideally if you can afford to go to a dentist then drag your ass to one. I will eventually, when I head back to Dubai and pay nought farthing for it. Till then I’ve got my best mate Vanilla E by my side.